


The Fake Relationship One

by houxvertetbruyere



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27158159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/houxvertetbruyere/pseuds/houxvertetbruyere
Summary: Leonard sighed.“Ever since the divorce my Ma has been trying to set me up with someone else. She’s relentless. It’s just gotten worse since we, y’know, saved Earth from Nero and all that. My aunts, my cousins, the whole damn McCoy family seems to have someone lined up to court me like my life is a damn dating show. I just- well I couldn’t take it anymore and so I told ‘em I was already in a relationship. With uh- with you.” He looked down at the last part, too cowardly to meet Jim’s eyes.Trektober Day 21 - Fake Relationship
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 9
Kudos: 115
Collections: Trektober 2020





	The Fake Relationship One

They had been docked above Earth for six days when Jim got the SOS message on his comm. Jim himself had been laying low in Iowa. The farmhouse in Riverside was dusty and evoked uncomfortable feelings in him so after one creepy sleepless night, he left. He had been staying in a hotel in Cedar Rapids ever since. 

It wasn’t very comfortable at the hotel, either. Definitely lonely.

Jim had thought about messaging Uhura or Scotty a handful of times. Spock had answered all of his calls but he felt guilty pulling the man away from time with Uhura and his father. He hadn’t even tried to message Bones after the first day. The doctor was supposed to be at a retreat or a conference or something he had only vaguely grumbled about on their shuttle trip. Jim had been directed to only contact him in an emergency. 

So Jim was as surprised as he was delighted by the message Bones sent. TELL ME HOW I FUCKED UP A SIMPLE FAMILY GATHERING. PLEASE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY. Attached was a slightly blurry pic of Bones with his fingers pressed into his temple, face scrunched up in distress.

It took Jim only a few seconds to trace the photo back to the set of coordinates where it was taken. It was probably technically stalking but he didn't even feel guilty about it. Bones needed him. Jim was happy to grab his duffel (he hadn’t bothered to unpack) and hail a cab the moment his shoes were on.

The coordinates were fairly easy to get to but Jim was taken aback by the sweeping beauty of the location when he got out of the cab. The resort was on a vineyard and overlooked the Appalachian hills. Rolling green valleys lay out before him, stunning in their contrasts and shadows in the light of the setting sun.

Inside the resort there were flashing signs welcoming various groups and pointing the way. He caught sight of one that read McCoy Family Reunion in a tasteful scrolling font and headed off down the hall with a grin.

-+-

Leonard had been maybe a bit panicked when he’d messaged Jim but he was in over his head, damn it. Just before dinner he had been ganged up on by his mother and all six of his aunts not to mention a few cousins. What kind of chance did he stand against two dozen coos of, “Oh I know someone who’d be PERFECT for you, Leo, you must let me set you up.”

So he couldn’t be held entirely responsible for his little fib, right? He had to lie, it was self defense. He really should have foreseen it exploding in his face, though. Everyone was tittering and looking up vids of them together on their comms and talking about wedding venues before he could even take another sip of his julep. Cousin Julie was talking excitedly to someone on the phone. Word of his “relationship” was going to reach the Beta Quadrant before nightfall now.

Jim was gonna kill him. 

Jim was also the only person on the planet who could make him feel better about all this so it was lucky that when the doors to the patio slid open thirty minutes later it was Jim who walked out of them.

Lucky and deeply troublesome since his presence would just be gasoline to the fire Leonard had accidentally lit.

“Bones!” Jim crowed when he saw him. Leonard’s gut clenched at the sight of him. A week was a long time to be without his friend, especially after so long in such close quarters. He looked good, a bit flushed maybe from the heat but that just added to the brightness of his eyes and the overall appearance of youth and virility that Jim always exuded. Leonard stood to greet him and they met with a tight hug.

“Hey, Jimmy,” Bones said into the side of Jim’s head. “What the hell are you doin’ here?” Jim held him a bit tighter then released him entirely to shrug and laugh.

“Well, you seemed pretty desperate, Bones, and I never leave a man behind.” Over Jim's shoulder, Leonard caught someone's eye. About a hundred McCoys had turned to look at them, Cousin Julie was recording them. God above. Leonard’s heart sped up, they had to get out of there.

“Listen, let’s get inside and out of this heat. Are you hungry?” He quickly ushered a bemused but compliant Jim inside and onto the lift before anyone could say anything that might ruin his chance at smoothing this over.

Neither of them were hungry but he punched up a couple of drinks from the room’s replicator when they got there. Jim might take the news better with a stiff drink to ease the way. 

“So what’s with all the drama, Bones? What happened?”

“Oh no, you first. How the hell did find me, anyway?”

Jim’s grin twitched. “I reverse hacked your message for its coordinates.”

“Is that even legal?”

Jim just shrugged and kept smiling which was… not a promising answer. Leonard shook his head at him in disapproval. 

“You’re nuts.”

Jim _laughed_. God was it good to hear that laugh again.

“Yeah maybe, but like I said, my best friend was in need, what was I supposed to do? NOT track him down and invite myself to stay with him? Oh by the way, can I stay with you, Bones?”

Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose. This was going to make it look so much worse. Or better, maybe? Jim was giving him his pleading puppy-dog eyes.

No, definitely worse.

“Of course you can. But uh- there’s something you need to know. And you’re not gonna like it. I sort of wish you’d just called like a normal person so I could tell you this over the phone.”

Jim looked a bit bemused. He set down his drink and sat by Leonard on the bed.

“You have to understand I was being set upon by wolves, okay? I couldn’t stop them any other way.”

“Bones?”

Leonard sighed.

“It's like this. Ever since the divorce my Ma has been trying to set me up with someone else. She’s relentless. It’s just gotten worse since we, y’know, saved Earth from Nero became galactic heroes and all that. My aunts, my cousins, the whole damn McCoy family seems to have someone lined up to court me like my life is a damn dating show. I just- well I couldn’t take it anymore and so I told ‘em I was already in a relationship. With uh- with you.” He looked down at the last part, too cowardly to meet Jim’s eyes.

Jim was quiet for a long uncomfortable moment and then he grabbed for his drink again. He slammed his whiskey back before speaking.

“Well,” Jim hissed, “This is the most exciting thing to happen to me since we were on the Enterprise, I’ll give you that.”

“Do you hate me?”

“Bones you’re my best friend, of course I don’t hate you. I mean, I don’t get the joke but I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

“What joke? There’s no joke, Jim. I really put my foot in it and now all of Starfleet, if not the whole galaxy is gonna hear the rumor that we’re together and it’s all my fault. I’m- I'm sorry.” He rubbed his temples, trying to will a simple solution into existence. 

“Um, yeah I mean, that’s not ideal for you. I can see that. But maybe it’s not the end of the world? Like, maybe we just fake a break up?”

“Well yeah if Starfleet won’t- wait, what do you mean NOT IDEAL FOR ME? You’re the captain, don’t you think it looks a little worse for you? Add to that you’re young and unattached and look like THAT- I mean it looks pretty great for me, getting to be with you.”

Jim’s eye twitched. His face had contorted with hurt and confusion.

“Are you sure you’re not fucking with me right now? ‘Cause I can kind of see how you might think it’s funny but- I gotta tell you it doesn’t feel that great on my end.”

“Jesus,” Leonard groaned. “I knew it, you're pissed.”

Just then Jim’s comm pinged. “Uh, it’s Uhura, you mind if I..?” Leonard nodded and Jim accepted the call.

Immediately they were assaulted with the din of downtown San Francisco at night.

“Kirk, what the fuck? Why am I just hearing about this on the Academy news feed!? Were you two ever going to tell us!?”

Jim sent him a bewildered look from over his comm.

“Woah, okay, calm down. What are you talking about?”

“Captain, honestly, do not fuck with me right now. When did you and Leonard even find the time to get into a relationship? I mean, I’m happy for you, the pining was getting depressing, but how did you keep this a secret? You’re terrible at keeping secrets!”

Jim’s eyes went comically wide and he stood up.

“Okay, you know what I have to go now, bye Uhura.” He snapped his communicator shut. “Fuck, you weren’t kidding.”

“You see?” Leonard asked. “I’m telling you the worst gossips on the planet are here and they happen to be in my family.”

Jim sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. He looked dazedly down at his comm but didn’t open it.

“Bones, I’m gonna ask you something I vowed not to think about ever again." Jim's voice was steely. He was in Captain-mode and Bones couldn't fathom how this conversation was going so badly. 

"Do you, uh. Do you remember getting a letter back at the academy. Um. From me?” Where the hell did that come from?

“What? A letter- like a hand-written letter? I don’t think so. What about?”

“Oh don’t worry about it,” Jim wheezed in a high voice. “You would remember if you’d ever read it. Trust me.” He laughed a few times. It was low and ugly. “Oh Bones, you’ve really done it. This is it. This is my lowest point.”

A shock of simultaneous indignation and shame washed through Leonard.

“Well hey now, I shouldn’t have lied, I knew it as soon as the words left my mouth, but weren’t you the one just saying it’s not the end of the world?”

“Bones, please don’t.” Jim squinted his eyes shut really tight and then let all his muscles go loose on a sigh. Leonard felt a little lost. He was definitely missing something big. He and Jim had such an easy casual comraderie, this felt a whole lot more serious.

“So we just need to go down there and tell your family we’ve broken up, right? They can post about it wherever and then this’ll all be over?”

“I don’t really know, Jim. You don’t think Starfleet will have anything to say about it?”

“God, I hope not. That’s the last thing we need. But if Uhura’s seen the news feed then the crew probably has too so- Ah, fuck it. Alright there’s something I have to tell you, too.”

Before Leonard could say anything Jim was up and pacing the far end of the room. 

“I thought you already knew and were just being really cool about it so um, if you’re not, y’know, cool with it. Could you just, maybe, let me leave before you freak out?”

“Jim, you’re freaking me out already.”

“I wrote you a letter at the academy because everyone was sick of me pining and bitching. So I decided I had to tell you how I felt. About you. Because I was in love with you and- and thought if you knew, maybe. Well I don’t know.” Jim tugs at his hair and laughs a little. Leonard thinks his eyes are wet and FUCK this was not at all in the realm of possible reactions he’d imagined when he thought Jim was going to kill him.

“But you never said anything about it,” Jim croaked. “You were just cool as a cucumber like everything was normal so I thought, well that’s good, he’s read it and it doesn’t change his feelings for me at all but it didn't weird him out either. So isn’t that great, we'll just act like it never happened. I’m so lucky to have a best friend like Bones.”

Leonard’s stomach dropped further to his feet with every word. How had he not seen this? All these years together and he had no idea that his best friend, the only really good friend he’d had in his life until the Enterprise, was in love with him? He couldn’t fathom what he’d ever done to deserve that love. And now Jim was on the verge of tears in his hotel room and it was all his fault.

“Did it stop?” He managed to ask, finding his voice gone hoarse.

“What?” 

“You said you WERE in love with me. Did it stop?”

“I,” Jim deflated, looking resigned. “No, it didn’t.”

Leonard licked his lips. 

“So if I were to ask you not to break up with me in front of my family... What would you say?”

“What? I don’t- Bones please, I can’t handle mind games right now.”

Leonard stood up and walked to Jim, grabbed his arm because he couldn’t risk Jim looking away and mistaking his sincerity.

“Jim, I didn’t know how you felt. I never got that letter but it never stopped me from falling for you on my own. Lord knows you occupy my mind most of the time in one way or another. You’re the goddamn sunshine in my life, kid. I can’t imagine why you’d want a rainy old storm cloud like me but I’d be the luckiest man alive if you dated me- even for pretend.”

Jim’s face crumpled. He started to tremble and oh, Leonard couldn’t take that. He wrapped his friend up in a tight hug, like the one they’d shared downstairs on the patio.

“Hey, easy Jimmy. What did I do? Did I put my foot in it again?”

Jim shook his head but held on tighter. 

Leonard’s comm pinged. From over Jim’s shoulder he could see Christine was calling, he could guess what about, but a hot wet patch was blooming on his shoulder where Jim’s face was pressed. Leonard ignored the call.

“I want to fix this, Jimmy,” Leonard murmured. He stroked up and down Jim’s back like he had before when Jim had a nightmare or a panic attack. Jim had always sought Leonard out for comfort and Leonard had always taken a private pride in being able to give it to him. 

“I never wanted to make you cry. I’m so sorry. Tell me what I can do to fix this.”

Jim huffs against Leonard’s neck a few times before he can pull himself together enough to whisper, “I thought you didn’t want me- not like that. I never thought I had a chance. I just- I’m- overwhelmed.”

“Oh, Jim.” 

“I’ll be okay in a minute, I promise,” Jim sniffed. “And- I don’t want to break up either, real or pretend.”

Leonard gathered him even closer and held on tight. 

-+-

They had been docked over earth for eight days when Jim decided to turn his communicator back on and answer all of his friends’ messages. The whole bridge crew was up in arms, of course, and he waded through their outrage at having been left in the dark with some amusement. Like yeah, I was just as shocked as you guys. 

Discovering the short message of congratulations from his mom had been even more shocking. He hadn’t even considered that Winona would see the news.

Then there were official messages from the admiralty.

“Hey Bones,” Bones turned from his PADD to look at Jim who was next to him in bed. “Did you get the message about family quarters?”

“They don’t do family quarters on the Enterprise.” Bones groused.

“Not exactly, but they said if our quote _bonded status_ changes they’ll consider moving around some walls to give my quarters enough room for two.”

“Huh, that seems discriminatory.”

“Bones, don’t you see what this means? We need to get fake married so we can have bigger quarters!”

Jim thought it was pretty unfair that Bones hit him with his PADD after that. It was a very good plan. He wondered if he could get Pike to officiate a fake wedding...


End file.
